Think about the last time you had a nightmare so terrifying it woke you up. What did you see, feel, and think? Did you recover quickly? Or did you mull over it for the rest of the day? A recent study from Oregon State University found that people who report feeling lonely are more likely to have nightmares, potentially as a result of stress. Compounded by repetitive thinking and hyperarousal, stress may lead to an influx of nightmares—so we asked mental health professionals to explain why this might be (and how to combat feeling lonely to get more rest).
- Dr. Meghan Marcum is the chief psychologist at A Mission for Michael (AMFM).
- Dr. Vanessa Kennedy is the director of psychology at Driftwood Recovery.
What Is Loneliness, Really?
There’s more to loneliness than what meets the eye, according to clinical psychologist Dr. Vanessa Kennedy. “Loneliness is a distressing feeling of isolation or lack of connected, trusting relationships,” she explains. It can take many shapes, from not having meaningful relationships to feeling unsupported in stressful situations to fearing the idea of connecting with others. “While loneliness is common from time to time, pervasive loneliness that is affecting your mood or quality of life warrants attention to address the problem.” One sign to look out for is impaired sleep, especially if it ends in nightmares.
Where Do Nightmares Come From?
Nightmares occur when our conscious brains are turned off but our subconscious is still responding to the world around us, according to clinical psychologist Dr. Meghan Marcum. “Research shows [nightmares] often come during REM sleep, or the deeper stages of sleep, when the subconscious is active,” she says. When circumstantial factors—like stress, anxiety, or exposure to trauma—are exacerbated, our sleep is quick to reflect those feelings.
Statistics show that women are especially susceptible to nightmares caused by stress and anxiety, explains Dr. Kennedy. It may be that, due to the differences in socialization between men and women, women experience a higher frequency of nightmares compared to men.
What’s the Connection Between Loneliness and Nightmares?
Most of us take on a normal amount of stress and anxiety in our daily lives, but when these incidents are faced by people who experience chronic loneliness, they often have no one to turn to. “The association between loneliness and nightmares may be related to our minds running wild with fears and anxieties without social support to calm us,” Dr. Kennedy says. Moreover, people who report feeling lonely are at a higher risk of developing hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and other health conditions that are aggravated through stress.
Loneliness can also be categorized in two ways: social loneliness and emotional loneliness. “Social loneliness is defined as an absence of social interaction or relationships and is akin to isolation or withdrawal from social interaction,” says Dr. Kennedy. “Emotional loneliness is the feeling that one does not feel emotionally close to or well-understood by others.” It’s not just lack of connection that can lead to loneliness, but also the belief that nobody can understand us. Once we decide that we can’t be understood, we may isolate ourselves as a form of protection.
How to Combat Loneliness
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to combating loneliness, and the process can’t be completed in a day, but there are ways to feel more connected with the world around you.
Daily Outdoor Tasks
Dr. Marcum recommends committing to daily tasks that require you to go outside. “Simple tasks like walking the dog or going to a park can provide ways to interact and decrease feelings of loneliness.” You don’t need to make conversation—by simply going outside and being around other people, you’ll feel more connected.
Community Events
Community events are one of the most accessible ways to make connections, especially if you’re looking to meet new people. “Volunteering and participating in a group class or team sport are other ways to engage and create meaningful conversations,” says Dr. Marcum. Keep an eye out for community events in your area and be intentional about going.
Support Groups
Sometimes the easiest way to relieve yourself of loneliness is by remembering that you’re not alone. Support groups can be an affordable way to do this, according to Dr. Kennedy. “A myriad of support groups exist to support trauma survivors, family members of those with addiction, individuals experiencing depression, and those experiencing grief after a loss.”
Phone Calls
This one can be hard—but the benefits are overwhelmingly positive. Making an effort to call a loved one once a week can help deepen your connection, especially if in-person events aren’t your thing or your loved ones live far away.
Therapy
It’s much easier said than done, but therapy can help you get to the root of the problem. “Defining the roots of your loneliness may help you to work on them and identify strategies to improve them,” says Dr. Kennedy.
